Sunday, December 24, 2006

Year End Thoughts

As I was trying to compile a list of books I read this year (and I read enough to have a top ten list of books) I was thinking how I have spent the entire year inside my head thinking about things which have absolutely nothing to do with my immediate life, at least in concrete terms. Also how most of these books more or less were all unmistakably "dark". I didn't read a single book which made me "feel good" (in the conventional sense of the phrase), though I did feel elated in a different way after reading most of them. Death, Grief, Sadness, Homelessness, Separation, Melancholy, Isolation, Doom were things my mind was occupied with.

Also it is perhaps because of those books that I have spent most of the year in a state of calm, lucid and passive depression. Sometimes I felt the detachment and disinterest became a little too much, specially when it was interfering in my work and regular wordly duties but I managed to negotiate a middle path most of the time. But other times I religiously avoided talking to people, attending parties, get-togethers and almost every other social ritual, like going to movies with other people for example. This blog was more or less my entire existence as a social being.

I also felt extremely tired throughout the year. I don't know whether books were the cause or effect. Most of the time the only physical activity I felt like doing was holding a book in front of my face. Anything more was too much strain on my body. Sigh. I am now thinking about the new year. I am not going to make any new year's resolutions. I think I will have some more time with myself before going back to the normal life.

8 comments:

Scott Hughes said...

I tend to read dark books too. Although, in some ways my life can be dark.

Thanks,
Scott Hughes
Books & Reading Forums

Antonia said...

"I think I will have some more time with myself before going back to the normal life."

you are a hermit :) nothing wrong with reading dark books. I find they can be a solace. One just sometimes has these dark-books-hermit-phases. Other times also will come, if one want or not...

Jabberwock said...

What a sweet and cheery post! Merry Christmas to you too...

jyothsnay said...

Alok,
I could have written a lovely message pulling out a few words from my ammunition pouch, but felt these lines composed by a legend are more approproate

....The mind that is within us, so impress
with quietness and beauty, and so feed
with lofty thoughts, that neither evil tongues,
nor geetings where no kindness is, nor all
the dreary intercourse of daily life,
shall ever prevail against us, or disturb
..therefore let the moon shine on thee in thy solitary walk....
thy memory be as a dwelling-place
for all sweet sounds and harmonies.Oh! then
if solitude, or fear or pain or grief
should be thy portion, with what healing thoughts....
the mind's internal heaven shall shed her dews
of inspiration on the humblest lay...
it's such a pleasure to know you! thank you..Jyo

km said...

I say screw the resolutions. We don't need them at all.

Have yourself a very Merry Christmas.

Alok said...

Thanks everybody and merry christmas to you too.

And I am just back from a night long christmas-eve party ;)

merlot said...

Happy belated Christmas everybody.

Alok, I often wonder how do you get through all those books and I found the answer in this blog. Missing parties/social events to finish up a book - that's dedication.

However, life isn't about books (not all the time) and it pays to be sociable (at least some of the time). But, as always, I cannot do most of what I said so take my advice with a grain of salt ;P

Alok said...

thanks merlot. and greetings to you too!! :)

actually it's not that i avoid parties or social activities purposely to read books but just that i find them stressful, not always, but most of the time. i have tried to change but it always gets worse :)