Year End Thoughts

As I was trying to compile a list of books I read this year (and I read enough to have a top ten list of books) I was thinking how I have spent the entire year inside my head thinking about things which have absolutely nothing to do with my immediate life, at least in concrete terms. Also how most of these books more or less were all unmistakably "dark". I didn't read a single book which made me "feel good" (in the conventional sense of the phrase), though I did feel elated in a different way after reading most of them. Death, Grief, Sadness, Homelessness, Separation, Melancholy, Isolation, Doom were things my mind was occupied with.

Also it is perhaps because of those books that I have spent most of the year in a state of calm, lucid and passive depression. Sometimes I felt the detachment and disinterest became a little too much, specially when it was interfering in my work and regular wordly duties but I managed to negotiate a middle path most of the time. But other times I religiously avoided talking to people, attending parties, get-togethers and almost every other social ritual, like going to movies with other people for example. This blog was more or less my entire existence as a social being.

I also felt extremely tired throughout the year. I don't know whether books were the cause or effect. Most of the time the only physical activity I felt like doing was holding a book in front of my face. Anything more was too much strain on my body. Sigh. I am now thinking about the new year. I am not going to make any new year's resolutions. I think I will have some more time with myself before going back to the normal life.